Whoever Thinks Gloves Aren’t for Life Has Never Seen Sharkskin Gloves

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May 1, 2013 11:30 AM by Smash

Shark GlovesLook at these bad boys. In all honesty, they are the ugliest fucking things I’ve ever seen. But that’s not the point. The point is these are the most badass gloves you’ll ever come across. Why? Well for one they’re made out of sharkskin. Right there is reason enough. But the second point: once they’re on, you can’t take them off. It’s like the Chinese finger trap of gloves…except instead of doing a little pushing inward, you hand will be ripped to shreds if you try to take them off. No biggie.

Here’s the description from the website:

Fitted and unlined glove from basking shark skin, with the mic-rose thorns inside. Should you put your hand in, you will discover that the thorns, all directed to slant inward, will lock your hand in place in the manner of, ten thousand fishhooks. Should you attempt to remove it, the thousands of thorns will bite into the skin. You can put the gloves on, but to remove them would mean to cut them off. Gloves for life, or for one wear – the ultimate and final commitment.

“The ultimate commitment.” Such a high fashion line.

Here’s what I’m genuinely worried about: what if you’re not a big glove wearer and you don’t know your size? Can’t just stroll in and try one on. I don’t know about you but if I’m about to dish out $950 for gloves I’ll be wearing the rest of my life, I want them to be the perfect fit. It’s not so much to ask for.

I was really blown away by how much money these were but then I thought about it. $950 for something you’ll have the rest of your life…24/7/365, that’s not a bad deal at all. Talking pennies a day to own these beauties. Deal of the century.

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