April 10, 2013 11:31 AM by Smash
“I had this bizarre reaction,” said Clara, who for privacy reasons did not want to use her real name. “I had burning and swelling and redness, which was very unusual. I thought I had contracted an STD [sexually transmitted disease].”
Horrified, she made an appointment with the gynecologist for testing and was nervous about having a “tricky conversation” with Jeff.
After several doctors’ visits and hours of research online, the North Carolina couple finally got some answers, but it derailed their sex life and shook their marriage.
Whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone. “Clara” here is allergic to her husbands knuckle children? Da fuq? Here’s the first thought process I had when reading this and make sure to strap in cause I’m about to take you on a ride known as Smash’s thought process (it’s some deep shit).
So Clara is allergic to Jeff’s sperm. Does that mean she is allergic to ALL sperm? How could it just be Jeff’s? Let’s just say she’s allergic to all sperm, it’s more fun that way. So how does someone, who began as a sperm them-self, be allergic to sperm? You’re essentially allergic what you were however many years ago. Alright, I guess it’s a little different but what the fuck.
If Jeff wraps his bald headed giggle stick, are they safe to bang then? I would imagine so, right? Just make sure everything stays in there and boom…golden. This actually sounds like every woman’s dream: have sex without any sort of contact with sperm. I’m surprised more women don’t use this as an excuse.
Sidenote – The only person I think of when I hear the name Clara is the woman from Back to the Future III.