February 13, 2013 8:00 AM by Billy Heywood
I know its the offseason, I get it. But hell, the Rangers are decent, I hate the NBA, Pitchers & Catchers just started today and NCAA BBall is starting to heat up. We’re in that awkward phase of the year where everything just sucks. So why not make you depressed even more and have a lil pre-offseason outlook?
Patriots- The Jets have been abysmal so this isn’t surprising. Auto loss.
Bills– I don’t know what fucking team came out to start the season in ’12, but they sure never came back. Toss up
Dolphins– The Phins skullfucked them at home this year, and have every year since Pennington and Mangini…Loss
Browns– The Jets suck, but the Browns are fucking awful. Should be an easy W…should be is the key word here. Win.
Buccaneers– Almost snuck into the playoffs, but won’t sneak out a W against the Jets, they will buttfuck them. Loss
Raiders– Fuck Palmer and McFadden. Hopefully they catch the Raiders after being jetlagged from a long red-eye…Win
Saints– Even RedTube says that streaming this future game is too hardcore for them. Loss
Steelers– Getting old, but Rapelesburgers still got it. Loss, but not by much.
Patriots– Are you kidding me? Loss.
Bills– The Jets surprisingly do well up there. Toss up.
Dolphins– They snuck out a Win in Miami in ’12, could do it again. Toss Up.
Bengals– Playoff team last year, and don’t show signs of slowing down. Loss.
Falcons– The best team in the NFC, regardless of what the 49ers did. Falcons at home are almost as unbeatable as the Pats in Foxboro. Loss.
Panthers– Unless Cam Newton shows us some spark from his rookie season, I think the Jets could smoke them…and yes I said the Jets could smoke them. Win.
Ravens– The depleted Super Bowl champions? Doesn’t matter. If Sanchez is QB, Baltimore will have a field day. Loss.
Titans– This is just the NFL kicking the Jets square in the nutsack. I’d rather listen to PitBull for 4 straight days than watch that game again. But these teams both really suck. Toss Up.
Just to re-cap: The Jets (before offseason moves and the draft) I believe will go at best, 7-9 and at least, 3-13…
Welp, might as well go get a rope and a chair….