February 13, 2013 12:32 PM by Billy Heywood
Now let me just start off by saying this. I love Sabra hummus. The garlic and roasted red peppers ones are my shit. I could eat a metric ton of the stuff. I don’t give a fugg what I’m dipping into it: Carrots, celery, pretzel rods, pita chips, oreos, anything! Sabra just knows hummus. It’s a fact.
However, they don’t know the portable snack game too well. Dunkaroos is, and forever will be the grand champion of portable snacks. You could eat Dunkaroos any and everywhere. There is no argument for any other snack and if you show me someone that hates Dunkaroos, I’ll show you a liar.
But let me be clear. Sabra hummus is phenomenal. Absolutely delicious. But this portable pretzel buttplug looking thing is straight up disgusting. A slap in the face to the company.
First off, the pretzels. Every single time I open to the pretzels and it’s all crumbs. Only crumbs and broken pretzels. The off chance I have gotten full pretzels (which is more rare than getting struck by lightning), they break the second I go to scoop out some hummus. Now I am left with just crumbs, salt and a shit ton of hummus.
Secondly, the hummus. Not the physical hummus, but the amount of hummus. The ratio of hummus-to-pretzel ratio is not favorable. It’s like a white guy on a basketball court in Harlem. So many African-Americans (Hummus) and barely any white guys (pretzels). (Sidenote: Not racist, it’s kind of a fact…). So after I finish the pretzels, I have three quarters worth of hummus left, just sitting there and I have no idea what to do with it. Can’t exactly share it, because I hate sharing with people. IDGAF what people say, it’s mine not yours. I either give it to you, or it’s mine. There’s no such thing as sharing. It’s the weirdest thing. I once shared guac with Dips and I swear I got herpes…
Finally, the double dome container thing. After you open your pretzels, you might as well finish them and throw out the top because you’ll never get it back on to fit correctly. It’s also the most ridiculously awkward container ever. Any bag you put it in (or in Smash’s case, purse), it is bulging out more than Sandusky at an all boys daycare.
Why can’t Sabra make a Dunkaroo-esqe container with pretzel sticks. NOW THATS AN IDEA SABRA!