The New “Nutrient Enriched” Girl Scout Cookie Is the Beginning of the End

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January 16, 2013 10:00 AM by Billy Heywood


ABC News – Girl Scout cookie lovers accustomed to seeing items like peanut butter, chocolate, coconut and more chocolate on the ingredient list may do a double take when they see the newest cookie on the order form.

Alongside Tagalongs, Thin Mints and Samoas in this year’s Girl Scout cookie repertoire are Mango Crèmes, a crispy cookie featuring mango, coconut, vanilla and Nutrifusion™?  Yes, Girl Scout cookies have been vitamin-punched.

Apparently Girl Scouts are coming out with a brand new NUTRITIOUS cookie?

What is going on with the world? Girl Scout Cookies are supposed to be fattening. Thats how their business model works. They sell the best cookies on the planet for one month a year only, just to satisfy our crack-like addiction. If you don’t like Tagalongs, Thin Mints, or Samoas…you are out of your motherfucking mind.


If you think for a SECOND that i’m buying “nutritious cookies”, you are brain dead. Cookies are meant to be a sugary snack. If I want something nutritious, I’ll go down to the produce section, where the pussy vegans shop, and get some gay-ass butternut squash.

Girl Scout cookies aren’t meant to be nutritious…they’re made to satisfy the demand. They don’t give a shit about kids, and obesity. They are just looking for a new market to seep into and make more and more money. Parents and grandparents are supposed to by a ton of them from their daughters and granddaughters, neighbors, and random ass scouts outside of King Kullen and other grocery stores. Hell, what they should really do is post up outside of bars on friday and saturday nights, they would make BANK. You know how many boxes I would buy shitfaced? ALL OF THEM. Hell, I would give her a tip for thinking outside the box.


The new cookie you ask? “Mango Cremes”. Mango flavored- vanilla and coconut cookies. YU-fucking-CK. Gross. Basically, by adding and filling a cookie with “healthy” preservatives, aswell as other fake shit that makes it taste like a mango (minus the vitamins and nutrients that makes it a mango)…is supposed to be healthy?

Lets not beat the bush Girls, tigers can’t change their stripes, neither can samoas…A cookie is a cookie. Respect it. Don’t try to make it something its not.


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