Why I Hate, Hate, Hate Hollywood’s Award Season

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January 15, 2013 11:30 AM by Billy Heywood


Golden Globes, Oscars, Screen Actors Guild…they all suck…Well, the season at least. Sunday night was a constant “zOmG, did you see who got the like, BEST (dumb award no one cares about, aka everything but Best Actor/Actress/Supporting Actor/Supporting Actress/Director/Movie) GOLDEN GLOBE?!!!?” tweets, and Facebook posts.

Girls are the worst. They will go on and on about: “How could you watch football for 7 hours straight!? Don’t you like get like, bored or something?!” But, they watch the Pre-Pre red carpet show, the Pre-Red Carpet Show, the Red Carpet show, the Post Red Carpet show, the Pre Golden Globes, the Golden Globes, then the Post Golden Globes, which add up to about 9 hours of the same shit! Who’s wearing who, who’s wearing what, oh her dress looks great, hers looks like shit. For fuck’s sake! The LIVE for Award Season!


Girls use these award shows as an excuse to: Bake boatloads of cupcakes and devil’s food,drink oceans of wine, eat tons of ice cream, and wear dumb as avocado spreads on their face. All while bragging about how much they go to the gym, how they hate (but secretly love when guys) jizz in their face, or judge each other for being fat. Girls are RUTHLESS.They will do anything to put their best friend down just so they can be on top of their food chain. Pathetic.

But no, oh no, it does NOT stop there…

They’ll go on and on for WEEKS in the office about the dresses, and the awards that no one cares about. Right now, Sheila and Dawn said “I didn’t even see any of the movies, except Les Miserables, but I don’t think Argo should have won, Ben Affleck is a player, and broke JLO’s heart”…BITCH THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO…I can’t take it. I’m working from home for the next 2 months. I might lose it the day after the Oscars, I can see it now…I’ll walk in, and Dawn, Lara and Shelia will be telling me that “she was wearing that, and oh the dress, and oh they shouldn’t have won because he divorced her and she deserves it because her charities raise so much money..” LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH THE ACTING IN THEIR MOVIES?! I need to go to the liquor store…


Also, I NEED to find whatever party these girls above are throwing because the broad on the right is giving me a full fledged bone cone. I will also put money on the fact that no group of girls are this hot all in one room in real life.

Sidenote: even though Argo won the Golden Globe for best picture, I think it is Argo-nna lose to Lincoln at the Oscars…seewhatIdidthere?

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