Lost My Wallet…Might as Well Take The Rest of the Day Off

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January 10, 2013 9:32 AM by Billy Heywood

So after the longest fucking commute of my life today, I was hungrier than an Ethiopian in a…ah, well no one is hungrier than that so, lets go with that. I finally get to the office, craving a creamed cheese bagel with a orange Gatorade…walk to the cafeteria, and grab them. Go to pay…annnnnnnd my wallet is gone. Thinking I lost it, I run back and look in every pocket on me, and my jacket. I run to my car, look everywhere in the crevices, nothing.

My wallet is so fat too. Not with money, but with the most random shit. There’s no way it could just fall out without me knowing? Right?. There are some very important things in there too! Credit and Debit Cards, Modell’s MVP points Reward cards, Best Buy Gift Cards, Random deli, restaurants, Chinese, and Mexican business cards, as well as change out the wazooo. I feel like my life gets closer and closer to George Costanza’s everyday.


Luckily my roommate works the most random hours, so I send him a text and ask if my wallet is in the apartment. He responds “iiight, give me a minute”. He could have just looked and texted me back in 10 minutes, because the minute he takes to text me, he could be helping me out! Fuckin A!

Sidenote: “Give me a minute” is the single worst text behind “k”. No need for it in any conversation, no matter what…

Its been 40 minutes…woof

Its going to be a loooooooooooooooooooong day.


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