Top 10 News Stories of 2012

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December 31, 2012 4:30 PM by Billy Heywood

10. End of the World

So the Mayans thought they could pull a fast one on the world and try to fool us with this calendar bullshit. I wonder how many September babies the world is going to have, as well as mass suicides because of this…dumb ass Mayans, that’s why the Spanish conquered your asses way back when.

9. Face Eater

Bath Salts are sweeping the nation and apparently they cause you to EAT A DUDES FUCKING FACE…

8. XXX Olympics

Phelps and his gold rush, Locte, Fab Five, Gabby Douglas, Mckayla Maroney not impressed, Dream Team ’12, and the Prosthetic Pegasus. The United States just doing what it does best: Skull-fucking the world in the medal count, showing China who is boss and walking into Ye Old Britain and butt fucking them on their own turf…

7. Trayvon Martin

Trayvon Martin was shot and killed in February following a confrontation with George Zimmerman. Trial is slated for June 2013

6. Benghazi Attack

The American diplomatic mission at Benghazi, in Libya, was attacked on September 11, 2012. The attack began during the night at a compound that is meant to protect the consulate building. A second assault in the early morning the next day targeted a nearby CIA annex in a different diplomatic compound. Four people were killed, including U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens. Ten others were injured. The attack was strongly condemned by the governments of Libya, the United States, and many other countries throughout the world. Some believe it was retaliation on America for this “video” that surfaced, but no one bought that shit. It was a direct terrorist attack on the anniversary of America’s worst tragedy ever.

5. Penn State Child Abuse Cover Up: Paterno and Sandusky

The Penn State child sex abuse scandal was a scandal that broke in 2011 at Pennsylvania State University, as a result of longtime former university football assistant coach Jerry Sandusky’s sexual assault on or near university property, and alleged actions by some university officials to cover up the incidents or to enable more. Based on an extensive grand jury investigation, Sandusky was indicted in 2011 on 52 counts of child molestation dating from 1994 to 2009, though the abuse may have dated as far back as the 1970s. Per the findings of the grand jury, several high-level school officials were charged with perjury, suspended, or dismissed for covering up the incidents or failing to notify authorities.

For the University however, it was issued the “Death penalty”, meaning no bowl games for 4 years and wins from 1998-2010 (111) were taken away. This dropped Paterno down from 2nd all time winningest coach to 12th…Good riddance Paterno…it’s the least you deserve.

4. Hurricane Sandy

The worst hurricane that’s ever hit the east coast. New York and New Jersey were devastated by it. Houses, cars, boats, and families destroyed. The Rockaway’s, Breezy, Long Beach, the Jersey Shore and many more towns were left desolated. People were without power for weeks, and some still are to this day. But, as bad as it was, New York and New Jersey will rise from it again..slowly but surely they’ll get right back up.

3. 2012 Election

The Romney vs Obama Election Race was tighter than a 18 year old virgin on prom night. IIn the end, President Obama was re-elected for another term. Best thing about the election? No more commercials…for now.

2. Fiscal Cliff

Fiscall Cliff
I looked this up on Wikipedia, like I do everything else, and I still don’t get what the fuss is about. This topic has been trending on Yahoo forever so I figured I could sneak this one in somewhere. Just kidding. Hey DC, get your shit together, I don’t want to pay taxes out the ass, nor watch as the economy collapses…again…

1. Mass Shootings

Newtown Flag
Sickening, just sickening. Whatever you believe in stricter gun laws or not, these shootings have to stop. No child should be afraid to go to the movies, mall, or SCHOOL. #PrayForNewton. Also, firefighters shouldn’t have to worry about getting shot at while putting out a fire. This world is a fucked up place.

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