When’s the Best Time to Fly?

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December 20, 2012 9:00 AM by Smash

Screen shot 2012-12-19 at 9.12.50 PM

During a blizzard! Fuck me, right? No snow all year and we’re about to have a white out the one day I try to fly. Chances I get to the airport and am sitting in the same seat for 10+ hours? 437:1. I don’t mind flying, but airports and the whole flying process is an absolute NIGHTMARE.

For starters, security is the fucking WORST. This isn’t news to any one who flies frequently, or has really ever flown at all. 9/10 times your flight isn’t leaving on time. You’ll be sitting at your gate, probably without internet access and an iPod full of songs you’ve listened too since you were 15. All of your shit is gonna die and there are 4 outlets in the entire place, with them all being taken up by the guy who does the “plug and talk.” He’s awkwardly sitting with his head pressed against the ground because cell phone chargers are about as big as George Costanza after getting out of the pool.

Also, I’m pretty sure beers are the same price in airports as they are in Yankee Stadium. If you want to aggressively drink, you better either have a black card or be a chick with an unreal flirting game (that might not even do it). Food? Pick a number between 1-10 and you’re getting a “McSomething.” Essentially a shopping mall with planes.

However, there is ONE good thing about airports. There is not a place on the earth that is better for people watching. The perfect mix of whackjobs, babes, and your standard craziness of an airport. Hell, if there was an AP Poll for top people watchers, no question about it I’d be ranked in the top 10. If I’m in no rush – give me a #1 and a seat right by the walkway. Game, set, match. Entertainment for hours.

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