Office Etiquette: Secret Santa

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December 19, 2012 10:30 AM by Billy Heywood

the-office-secret-santa

So I was bombarded by Maggie and Gwen today about Secret Santa. They asked me if I wanted to be in it, I was reluctant at first, but decided FUCK IT, it’s Christmas and hey, maybe I’lll get a sweet gift. So I agree to do it and they throw this “$15” limit bullshit in my face, like: “DO NOT GO OVER THE LIMIT AND RUIN IT FOR THE REST OF US”…oh ok Maggie. Chill the fuck out. “Oh and NO GIFT CARDS..hehe, that’s like, um…cheating.”

First off all, fuck yaself. You can’t give rules on Secret Santa. Now I’m obligated to drop $15 since that’s the limit. Secondly, I was just going to get Tim some Reese’s Pieces because he mows through them like ET. But now because I hate Maggie, I’m getting Tim an $25 iTunes gift card because he is on his iPad 24/7/365 and Maggie you can’t do a fucking thing about it. So I’ll make her look like an ass and say “I didn’t hear no limit!” MUAHAHHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Fuck it, I’ll get his fat ass lotto tickets the day of…so help me God if he wins…

Knowing me, I’ll get a wool sweater from Darla, because she just picked up knitting…Like who the fuck today, in the 21st century, picks up KNITTING? Or better yet, Marcus will just forget the day of and take one of his sweaters out of the hamper and give it to me…like last year…Oh I hate my job

I won’t care if I get a gift card anywhere I don’t shop, because I’ll just give it to my mom for Christmas. However, I swear If someone gets me a gift card to TGI Friday’s I will burn this office to the ground…I hate TGI Friday’s, Chili’s and Ruby Tuesdays, or any of those chain restaurants because their food tastes like shit and their workers are junkies in rehab.

GET ME OUT OF THIS OFFICE!

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