Addressing Generic Work Chatter

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December 13, 2012 1:23 PM by Smash

Water Cooler Chat

Physical torture. Office life. Literally number one and two in the worst things you can go through. “No way it’s THAT bad.” Shut the fuck up, you probably just got done tweeting about all those finals and how much they sucked. I’d take 348 finals over having to sit at a desk all day. School is a joke.

What makes walking into work everyday that much worse are the countless generic conversations you’ll have with your coworkers. You know exactly what these conversations are. No matter how much you try to reinvent them or avoid them, you just go back to them and never put your foot down. It’s the circle of office life.

“Man, sure is cold out today!”
“Hey, did you watch the game last night?”
“How was the weekend?”
“You know, just going to do some house work over the weekend.”
“You hear about that big news story?”

You get the point. Absolute meaningless conversations. You do it cause you’re probably stuck in the elevator and the changing numbers only provides so much entertainment (Side note – why does EVERYONE automatically look up?).

Here’s the issue with this conversations. NO ONE CARES. It’s the winter, it’s cold out. Yes, I watched the game and no, I don’t want to discuss it with you. Don’t ask me about my weekend. You live an average life, I hope you get smothered in the pillow section of Bed, Bath and Beyond. Yeah, I go on Yahoo too, I heard about the fucking story.

If there was a way to go to work, sit and my desk, and not have people hit me with terrible conversation, my quality of life would sky rocket. Mind boggling stuff. Worst part is, I don’t think the people who strike up these conversations realize what they’re doing. Definitely think they’re doing a good deed.

So do me a favor, next time a colleague comes at you with generic office chatter, throw them something completely off the wall. “Man, that weekend flew by,” “Did you know you’ll eat around 35,000 cookies in your lifetime?”…and just walk away. Your choice. Just know this is your one and only shot to end this office epidemic.


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