What’s the Deal With This Python Problem in Florida?


December 10, 2012 2:22 PM by Smash

Robin Hood Snake

Jax Observer – Florida wildlife officials are trying to fight against the overwhelming invasion of the Burmese pythons, that have colonized the Everglades, by holding a hunting contest.

The hunt will be sponsored by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission and will run from January 12 to February 10, 2013. The public and python permit holders will have a chance to compete to see who can harvest the longest and most Burmese pythons.

The FWC plans to hand out $1,500 to the hunter who harvests the most Burmese pythons and $1,000 to the hunter who catches the longest snake.  To date, the longest python ever captured in Florida was 17 feet long.

This could potentially be my nightmares coming true. Massive snakes running amok around Florida? It’s only a matter of time before they take over the whole east coast and the entire country. So what’s Florida doing about it? Having a fucking contest to catch them.

Sounds good on paper but could be one of the worst moves ever made. How can this go wrong? Welp, for starters, you’re leaving this up to Floridians. Hands down the most delinquent  state in the country. The amount of meth, teen pregnancies, and strippers that state has is unreal, so lets give those people permission to hunt what might as well be King Kong. Good start.

Secondly, these fuckers could legit eat HUMANS. We’re not talking some little snake. These are pythons. They’ll eat you, your mother, and your mother’s mother (grandmothers in Florida are like 23 years old, very feasible). You can’t just catch these like it’s a spider in your house. I think the only weapon that would do the job here are rocket launchers or even an A-bomb. Nothing else comes close to enough fire power.

The real question though: am I the only one thinking about the most obvious play here? Call in J-Lo and Ice Cube. They have experience with this kind of shit. If they can take down an anaconda, they can take down a python. Probably a cakewalk for them at this point.

Better yet, call Kim Kardashian. She took down Ray J’s hog no problem, shouldn’t have an issue here either.

Side note: You couldn’t get me to tag along for $1,500.

One thought on “What’s the Deal With This Python Problem in Florida?

  1. […] while back, we wrote about the python hunting contest Florida was having to try and control the growing python problem. Well whaddaya know? They only found and […]

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