Another Installment of Office Etiquette – Christmas Cookies

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December 7, 2012 2:27 PM by Billy Heywood

Christmas Cookies

So I come into work today and like most days, hoping and praying that one of these old middle age fucks made something to share with the office. Usually I am left standing alone in the break room with my thumb up my ass staring at an empty table. But today, oh boy TODAY is the day.

I walk into the break room hopeless, just to get my fix of 1% milk for my Oreos. By the grace of mother fucking Zeus himself almighty, Lori walks in with a bonerizing plethora of freshly baked Christmas cookies. Apparently one of her dumb ass daughter’s classmates is allergic to peanut butter, chocolate, and basically anything with a the word “nut” in it.

She is blabbering along and all I think about is what cookie am I going to take. I have the #1 draft pick of last years NFL draft. Do I go with the chocolate cookie with peanut butter chips and chocolate drizzle? Can destroy my taste buds with the peanut butter, and/or chocolate. Yet it’s gutsy because if you’re too heavy on either of them, it ruins the dynamics…(aka RGIII) OR do I go for the macadamia nut with coconut shavings which I know will satisfy my needs, is a great taste on and off the plate, and has progressed in taste strength since last years recipe…a safe pick (Andrew Luck).

My gut instincts of being fat tell me to take the tray, get in my car, and drive home. Simple, I’m not a complex guy, just snatch and grab. However, I have to play this smart. Chocolate-peanut butter or macadamia? What did I choose? Toughest decision I’ll make all day.

*Spoiler Alert*
I took 2 of each. You fucking kidding? Lori’s cookies are delicious and I’m fat…simple fatology.

These cookies don’t come often, gotta get them while they’re HOT


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