The Only Place I Am Donating to This Christmas

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November 23, 2012 11:52 AM by Billy Heywood

Get into the office today and like every Friday (every day here actually) I hit my go to sites, check my fantasy lineup, and then surf the internet for the most absurd things.  This video caught my eye and I was flabbergasted.

First off these kids don’t even know who Isaiah Thomas and Larry Bird are.  Fuck, their parents probably weren’t even alive when this game was even played!  Motherfuckin Kenyans!  All they do is run like cheetahs, fuck like rabbits, and recreate the best NBA moments in history!  If I am asking for donations for anything, you bet your fucking ass I’m putting on a show.  It’s like the Sax Man on 42nd Street.  He’s not going to ask for handouts like a bum.  He’s gonna play “Careless Whisper” like Kenny G so he gets that fat cheddar in his fedora!

That’s the thing with the African charities: the church, the abused animal “Arms of an Angel” commercials that make me want to fucking die every time.  They don’t put on a show to get me into opening up my wallet faster than Dips in the bar to any girl that says hi (4’s,5’s,6’s, and grandmas).  If more charities were asking for donations like this using creativity and their imagination while using a 25-year old outdated sports references, I would easily EASILY drop like 5 or 6 dollars to them.

Who the fuck am I kidding?  I don’t even tip my waiters half the time.  The only thing I donate to is clothes to the thrift store and only then it’s for closet space so I can fit more shit in my closet full of shit.

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