August 14, 2012 12:23 AM by Wade Blogs
If you are from Long Island or went to college with anyone from there they probably have talked about the infamous Boardy Barn. It has been around since the 60’s and the arrogance of the institution starts off with the location: Hampton Bays – yet it is not your traditional Hampton’s bougie drinking establishment. Mix that in with the fact that it is only open on Sundays for 4 hours and you have to pay a $20 cover and you’ve got yourself Hell.
Don’t call me cheap, I throw money around when I drink as if I am a rapper but $20 to basically drink in a backyard like you’re 16 years old? No thank you.
Here’s the thing: $20 cover after you wait in line for 4 hours in the blistering heat to drink $2 beers and eat $1 Hot dogs. My backyard is better.
These are the questions (from real people) I selected to highlight my thesis:
“But hey Dips, $2 beers is a great deal!”
No it is not and here is why. You have to wear your worst clothing and put your cell phone in a ziplock bag because people will pour beers all over you at no warning (hence 16 year old disclaimer).
“But hey Dips, you get really cool stickers with every purchase!!!”
I don’t give a care, if you want stickers for buying something go to Dave and Busters.
“Dips, are you a loser? You meet and guarantee to hook up with chicks there”
Right, is this before or after you 2 hour bus ride or 3 hour LIRR ride back to Nassau County or the City? Yes you will make out with girls, great! I stopped counting how many girls I have made out with when I started sophomore year of college.
“Dips, you haven’t experience Long Island until you been to the Barn”
Cause people REALLY want to experience Long Island…
And don’t even get me started on the Boardy Barn Facebook pictures. WHO CARES that you go there and put stickers on people. Don’t touch me with your filthy paws you 250lb ginger Holly Mangold beast.
Unless I get the VIP treatment at Boardy Barn I will NEVER EVER GO. Place is a cesspool for why America is failing at greatness.
I’m done…I’m disgusted…